Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I will be naked everywhere
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
