Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
