Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
