We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
