Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
