woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
