Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
