Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
