I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
