Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
