The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
