WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize