Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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