be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
