could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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