some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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