I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
