Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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