onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
