He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Houston, we have a blender
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
