Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
