She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
