so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
