I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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