So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
