Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
