I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
