Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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