so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
