So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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