I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
