Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
