very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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