I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
