Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
