dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize