There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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