3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
