He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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