3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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