Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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