i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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