Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
