I hate your face
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
