my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
