my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
