I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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