Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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