well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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