Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
