I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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