11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i drank out of a bidet.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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