We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
