dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
