I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This baby is an asshole
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
