God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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