she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
