Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
