There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize