I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She said her name was "party"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize