Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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