you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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