What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
