I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
well you can't waste a boner
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
