I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
