he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
