Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
