How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
